Friday, January 10, 2014

2014




Heh. Well, Happy New Year everyone. :) Hope you had a wonderful time and i hope you have an even wonderful year ahead.  I had a rather quiet new year compared to last year; which was good and … well let's just leave it to good. Bombay can get a bit lonely at times. Though i was with family- which is good. Which is always good.  But, i did miss my friends who were all in Gurgaon.  2013 was full of surprises- Great shoots, met some amazing people last year, Heartbreak. But, it was all worth it. :) Nokia got in touch with me and sent me to Jodhpur to test the new 1020. Then after a few days i was off to Dubai for a shoot. Whilst going through different blogs on 31st, i always end up reading Mastin's The Daily love.  Honestly, he's one of the few who helped he get through hardship.  So, on New Year's eve i ended up reading one of his blogposts which went something like this: 

Generally, around this time of the year, I’d write a piece on “letting go,” but that’s not what I want to write about today. I have another idea in mind for you, dear seeker.
Which is this.
Imagine yourself 10 years ago. 2004.
Where were you?
What were you doing?
Who were you with?
What were you going through?
Different innit?  :) I personally can't see myself going back; I was in some of the darkest days of my life.  Painful years.Dreadful moments.So, i did this and felt happy as to where i am right now.   
Just think of it like this, even though you went through ALL of THAT, you made it to today. :) Use this as evidence of how stronger you are, and how loving the Uni-verse really is. And then, with this new evidence, perhaps you will have even more faith and desire to march with your head up and your chest proud into the unknown. Why? Because when you look back at your life 10 years from now, you will feel the same way then and that is… that no matter what happened… you made it. You have  to love Mastin for this.  I adore him. x

Make mistakes, take risks and dive in. 

Much love,
Bee

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Changing Circles

It's funny; But, I've come to realise that i tend to write more when something is not going right in my head.  I logged in through my id and realised that my blogpost was gone. Whooosh! just gone. I panicked , trying to find a solution and eventually  gave up.  My soul and body were not in alignment. 
(Girl: Karuna Ezara Parikh 

MUA : Sakshi Malik 

Styling: Shalani P

Assistant Photographer: Varun Bhatnagar.)


I admire chaos- but this wasn't one of those days. I was acting moody, shouting at everyone, just staying in my room  and writing/drawing. I got out every now and then- thinking that my mood might change- but, every time i got back , it was back to 0.  Then, after a few weeks of just being by myself and writing/drawing everything down- i realised that my diary will always always be there for me no matter what. Not judge me ( not that it matters), act mean or just leave.  I told a few of my close friends about it- broke down in front of them and realised that you need people as well to support and be there for you. I don't do that very often- but, am trying, everyday.  And, let me tell you, i am so blessed to have them in my life. Sure, i can jot down my feelings in a diary- but, that's it. 

A very close friend of mine said this whilst trying to cheer me up 

" If only we could help ourselves then this world would be a very lonely place. Put it in a balloon and let it float.

(Girl: Karuna Ezara Parikh 

MUA : Sakshi Malik 

Styling: Shalani P

Assistant Photographer: Varun Bhatnagar.)


Today, better than what i was a few weeks back, i finally logged in. It was synced to my personal account. This wouldn't have happened if my mind wasn't calm.  I feel better and i'll get better. 

Whilst going through my blog- i realised that there was this one particular blogpost that i didn't publish. Made me realise how far I've come.Maybe that's what i needed to hear- the old me - telling that don't give up- you've long long way to go.   So, here goes. :) 


" I personally think that broken hearts can lead to some serious creativity. I am not saying that happy people can't create magic, they totally can. but thats just the way i think. I know the world out there is very cruel and trying its best to change you, but don't be foolish! be strong and face your fears.
I don't think about the world anymore, sometimes loneliness is the best way to unleash your creativity. There are days when i feel " oh man, i can't do this anymore" and then there are days when i say to myself" I CAN DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD" . Its a curse/gift you have to live with for the rest of your life for being an artist.
Stop thinking when you click a picture and just take a deep breath and say to yourself i can make this picture magical!
I remember when i was in school, i hated math, i used to wait for art class to start. Funny thing is when i won my 1st award(all India painting competition) i came 3rd out of 1000s of entries. Here comes the funny part , when i got my medal and certificate , i told my mum" i didn't even paint that drawing" :s. she just laughed.
I think i was so engrossed in my world that i didn't even realize that i actually painted that drawing.
I would rather be called a daydreamer than some stupid employee.
I prefer daydreams over reality
Let me know what you think!
best,
B"

P.s I'll be posting  more images from this series soon. Thank you so much for helping me portray what i wanted to, Karuna. Thank you! 

Much love,
Bee

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Fragile Hearts


Beautiful thoughts swirl through my head, just like the clear, fresh, youthful spring breeze. I always dreamt of a world where everything was extraordinary with surreal trees, purple clouds and full of secrets.



When I was young, my mother used to tell me stories about how fairies used to take her granddad away with them and fly all night and sing songs; and at the crack of dawn they used to leave him on his terrace with boxes full of sweets. It intrigued me.






Fragile Hearts is a story I started two years ago. A story about sisters who slept one night and never awoke; realizing that it was one the best thing that could have ever happened to them; it was Grace in disguise. They live in a limbo now; Fresh footprints, leading to a trail of crossroads; where there is no past to regret - no future to anticipate - everything is in this precious moment. A waning crescent moon - like floating cocoons- in a sea of tidal space.
Sometimes, they come in my dreams, asking me to leave this world for enchanted forests and black horses.





I love dark things, they make me ache. I love things that create echoes. Those in-between moments where everything moves in slow motion. It’s all about observing and extracting the beautiful things out of the rest.


Through Fragile Hearts, Let’s just say that I am trying to create my own wonderland, full of secrets. A different chapter, a different layer. But, I love colourful and happy things as well, because sometimes secrets hide there too.



Exit. Reality

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Her Diary


“Sometimes I photograph to vent, sometimes I photograph to drown.”


When I was young, expressing myself was one of the most difficult things for me.  I used to let people know about how I felt through my drawings, through my words.  I tried.  Till now, am usually silent when they ask me what is it that I am trying to portray through my photographs. I believe the best answers are given in silence.  When you face tragedy, the only cry is silence. Rest is just noise.
However, I've come to believe that creativity stems from an unmet desire. A desire to be seen, a desire to be expressed. And many times that desire comes from being uncomfortable.




“If uncomfortable means, being vulnerable. So be it.”
“If uncomfortable means, being in love. So be it. “



 I was chained to meet you.  The strongest drug that exists for a soul is another soul. Looking into your eyes, going on a journey. Your lips were my dosage and the tongue was tip of the free-fall. And slowly, you disappeared, without a trace.  You were..

A disaster? Or Grace?


In the dark, one believes less and sees more. And darkness, sometimes, is a comfort with no floors or ceilings. A space to breathe with no looking back. It is the uncomfortable and scary places that we create the best.. And that’s how Her Diary came into existence.

“Our souls can’t be written, they must be felt.”


Being so uncomfortably comfortable with what I felt, perhaps still feel.  In the soul, there’s no place to hide. Each step outside my comfort zone brought fear. And with fear came resistance. And with resistance came friction and in that friction- life was born.
I’m a very private person, and a very few people know me inside out; Also, very bad with ending things. Her Diary is a portal, a window into my soul.  




Greetings.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Bird.

I've been staring at my computer screen, thinking what to write. Heh, it's funny because people who know me say  i talk a lot. But, when it comes to my work, i don't. Am usually very quiet when people ask me what am trying to portray through my photographs. I believe the best answers are given in silence.

The only thing i can answer right now is that, " Photography is something i cannot live without; My own little world where no one can enter. Let me tell you the truth , Solitude  is not scary. It is bliss and also a circus of possibilities."  Everyone has their own version of Solitude, trust me. 


A few pictures i shot of these beautiful girls for my Series " Her Diary" . Just a  sneaky 'cause am still working on it. The Second Chapter is called Bird. :) 
A quote from the chapter, " Distance is a strange metaphor. Sometimes you may be absent, and still be more present than ever. "








Much love,
Bee

Monday, February 25, 2013

In Transit.



Hi.
I know,  been long. hasn't it? I miss blogging. I do, i really do.  As most of you know i was unwell for the longest time. I still am. But, better. :) I awoke this morning thinking that it was raining, whilst The XX playing in the background; but itwas just my mind playing tricks on me again. 



I managed to forget that a year ago today, I was in bed, almost fighting death. How can I manage to forget that? I mean death, seriously. This is nothing especially new - I've forgotten and then remembered so many things, from birthdays to my own life's major events.But it's a learned function, that suppression and then sudden remembrance. Five years of waking up and begging for death teaches it, quick.As a side effect of that particular course, a memory already hazy and unreliable turned worse. A great many moments became lost; smudged.

 Today, i realized, how far I've come. both emotionally and physically. physically,yes, i am much much better.After n number of blood tests and running to the hospital every week, getting my endoscopy done and all that jazz, I've stopped drinking for good, no fried food ( NO KFC!)nothing. This brand new me is healthy and going strong. I've started shooting regularly now, which is good. Which is really GOOD. :)

Emotionally, well, you know the drill. Ups and downs of life. Love and everything. I was in love, probably still am, who knows. The universe has a funny way of getting back to you. People talk about the Bermuda Triangle, but nobody talks about the circle of life. Though it's over, may it is , maybe its not. Nobody really knows. But,having a reputation of getting scared of love, this time i didn't run away; I stood there, till the end. It was beautiful. I am happy, because i gave my everything. I know the universe has BIG plans for me. I can feel it. I am getting there. :) Maybe it will be him, maybe it will be someone WAY better. Only time will tell. But, i hope you're happy. I do, i really do.

I thought i'd post some of the photographs from my editorial " In another dimension" So, here you go. :) 







Much love,
Bee