I was just going through my book and said to myself * i haven't written anything for a while* so...
Labels. Funny how they contradict themselves, right? I remember till 10th grade, i didn't have many friends. i always tried to fit in, always. whenever i used call them, they tried to say it indirectly that *we don't want to talk to you*.If you cry, you're too emotional. If you don't cry, then you're impassive.In short, I was ignored.A part of me died, i wasn't confident enough to tell them that i don't need you.
11th grade - I have always been a tomboy, though i don't mind dressing up girly from time to time. But we are talking about 11th grade here, apologies. So where was i? yes i use alot of *I's*. Yeah,again, tried to fit in. Started hanging out with the cool crowd, but that was not me. really.Was never myself with the boy i loved. He was a jock.Maybe i never really loved him + then i found out that the boy never really understood himself.You know how jocks are? I felt sorry for him.He wanted to hangout with the *cool* crowd.[Though he wrote me letters(lots of them) or emails, whatever you want to call them. Es, i still have them.I look at them now and say to myself, wow. Ive changed somuch. Anyhoo, again i lost track. Apologies.] Spent alot of time writing, drawing, listening to music. Started hanging out with musicians. And then, at the end of the year, I decided something. Starting out another year like this ,was just setting up the rest of my life as a fake.
12th grade - I finally found myself, atleast some of it. I stopped hanging out with the *cool* crowd. It didn't hurt. I felt good, i felt free, I was me. I gave up on them [ cool crowd],I colored my hair, piercied my lip , I smiled as hard as I could.People who liked me for actually who I was. They didn't care about the dorky part of me that always corrected everybody's grammar. Laughed at my lame jokes.[Well yes, i am a funny girl. meet me and you'll know. ] I felt bad because the ones i used to ignore, were the only ones that actually cared. I met some really amazing people that year, and touchwood, few of them have become really close to me. You know who you are.I love you.
So this is part-1 of my story *She*.
Moral: Don't follow the crowd, mainstream is boring!